My baby will be 10 in a couple of months. In three years, my house will be full of teenagers. In four my oldest may be moving out... And in ten I will likely be an empty-nester. I've been married nearly half my life, and a mama only one year less. My last blog was addressed to young moms. As I've continued to think about the young/new moms in my life, I began to think about the dads too.
Dear Little Brother,
First, you have a high calling. You get to be a tangible picture of God to your children. Do you know how to do that? Dig deep into His word. Spend the best of your time knowing your God. Pray that He will grow your desire and love for Him. Strive to be eager to talk about the things of God. Model patterns of worship with your local church and in your home. You have a high calling.
Second, your bride has another new name. Mom. And with that name come all kinds of responsibilities and feelings and hormones. I beg you to be patient with her. Remember when you were first dating and you observed her closely? Don't stop doing that. Keep learning her. Pay attention to how much responsibility she's taking on, and if it becomes too much, lighten her load. I don't know exactly what that will look like, but you will. Serve your bride.
Third, for the first few months babies are pretty simple, feed them, burp them, keep them clean and warm. Then it gets interesting... I know you don't want to be the "bad guy" as soon as you walk through the door. But your wife doesn't enjoy being the "bad guy" all day long. And as I told my little sisters, possibly the best thing you can teach your baby is that he or she is a creature under authority. Again, you have the high calling to lead in the discipline of your children. Which sometimes means being the bad guy.
Fourth, your bride really does want you to lead. (I am assuming that I am talking to Christian men who are married to Christian women.) I don't mean come in and lay down the law and then insist on it. But if you think something is important, don't dump the logistics on her. Plan the date night-- including the sitter. When they are old enough, stay on top of them to do their chores. Again, I don't know exactly what this will look like, but you'll figure it out.
Finally, I know you have a high calling. I don't understand the entirety of the strain of that calling. What I do understand is that we serve a God who sustains us for the callings He gives us. If you are feeling overwhelmed, rest in the God who works all things according to the counsel of his will. You cannot screw up His purpose for your child. Work at faithfulness. And when you fail, rest in the God of restoration.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Ephesians 5:25-30
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Colossians 3:12-21
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:7-11
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Thursday, December 8, 2016
To the Young Mama
I read a couple of articles today about motherhood. They made me sad because both belittled the value of children and the value of motherhood. Now please don't hear me saying that every woman should be a mom, or that every mom should have as many children as possible. I don't believe either of those things. But I do believe that every human life is valuable because each one bears the image of our Creator. And I believe that motherhood is valuable because it can be a beautiful reflection of the sacrificial life of Jesus Christ.
I know several young expectant mothers right now. It is lovely to watch them grow and marvel at the life that is growing inside of them. It almost makes me miss my own pregnancy days. Almost...
Dear Young Mama,
First, I beg you to spend time knowing the Lord. You cannot be a faithful wife, you cannot be a faithful mama, if you are not growing in the knowledge of God. Your relationship with Him will fuel you for the sleepless nights and uncertainty that are an unavoidable part of parenthood. Only your Creator is sufficient to carry you through the challenges of raising a new person. Only He has the wisdom you will need to navigate the waters of parenting.
Second, work hard to not put your husband on the back burner. When this tiny new person invades your home, he or she will demand more of you than you can imagine. On those longest days after your baby has tugged at you ALL DAY LONG, it will be easy to dismiss your husband as an adult who can take care of himself. Please, Friend, remind yourself how much you love him. Remind yourself why you love him. And show him your love. Remember, this tiny person has invaded his life too. =)
Third, while it is likely that his every grunt and gurgle fills you with delight. And while you marvel at her every dimple and wave. While his antics are hilarious and her lively personality is enchanting, remember that your baby is not perfect. Your actions with regard to your little person will have far-reaching consequences. And possibly the best thing that you can teach your precious little one is that he or she is a creature under authority.
When my baby was two, she was about the cutest thing I had ever seen! We were visiting my in-laws one evening and she began to throw a fit, and it. Was. CUTE! 😄 My sister-in-law began to laugh, then quickly covered her face and said, "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh, but she's just so cute!" I agreed, but my husband argued that it was NOT cute. We disputed over the cuteness for a couple of minutes, but agreed that the behavior was unacceptable and needed to be punished. Friend, what is cute at two is rarely still cute at ten. But the behaviors you allow at two set the stage for five and ten and beyond.
Finally, there is great joy in motherhood. There is also great grief. I can't tell you the measure of each that your mothering will contain. What I can tell you is that you have the profound privilege to lay down your body, your time, your comfort, for the good of another. You get to reflect the sacrificial love of the Savior.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
1 John 3:16
*** Note: I wrote this with the ideal situation in mind. If you find yourself in the position of being a single mama, you need even more to lean on your Heavenly Father.
I know several young expectant mothers right now. It is lovely to watch them grow and marvel at the life that is growing inside of them. It almost makes me miss my own pregnancy days. Almost...
Dear Young Mama,
First, I beg you to spend time knowing the Lord. You cannot be a faithful wife, you cannot be a faithful mama, if you are not growing in the knowledge of God. Your relationship with Him will fuel you for the sleepless nights and uncertainty that are an unavoidable part of parenthood. Only your Creator is sufficient to carry you through the challenges of raising a new person. Only He has the wisdom you will need to navigate the waters of parenting.
Second, work hard to not put your husband on the back burner. When this tiny new person invades your home, he or she will demand more of you than you can imagine. On those longest days after your baby has tugged at you ALL DAY LONG, it will be easy to dismiss your husband as an adult who can take care of himself. Please, Friend, remind yourself how much you love him. Remind yourself why you love him. And show him your love. Remember, this tiny person has invaded his life too. =)
Third, while it is likely that his every grunt and gurgle fills you with delight. And while you marvel at her every dimple and wave. While his antics are hilarious and her lively personality is enchanting, remember that your baby is not perfect. Your actions with regard to your little person will have far-reaching consequences. And possibly the best thing that you can teach your precious little one is that he or she is a creature under authority.
When my baby was two, she was about the cutest thing I had ever seen! We were visiting my in-laws one evening and she began to throw a fit, and it. Was. CUTE! 😄 My sister-in-law began to laugh, then quickly covered her face and said, "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh, but she's just so cute!" I agreed, but my husband argued that it was NOT cute. We disputed over the cuteness for a couple of minutes, but agreed that the behavior was unacceptable and needed to be punished. Friend, what is cute at two is rarely still cute at ten. But the behaviors you allow at two set the stage for five and ten and beyond.
Finally, there is great joy in motherhood. There is also great grief. I can't tell you the measure of each that your mothering will contain. What I can tell you is that you have the profound privilege to lay down your body, your time, your comfort, for the good of another. You get to reflect the sacrificial love of the Savior.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
1 John 3:16
*** Note: I wrote this with the ideal situation in mind. If you find yourself in the position of being a single mama, you need even more to lean on your Heavenly Father.
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