The Hardest Question

Have you ever asked a child, "Why did you do that?" (Whatever "that" may be.) If you have, you know that the common response is "I don't know." Now sometimes that is a ploy to try to get out of trouble. But I have become convinced that sometimes that is true. The little person of whom the "Why?" question was asked really has little idea what drove him to the "that" he just did.

Sometimes it is really hard for me to determine whether or not I should read a certain book. I find myself faced with the question, "Why?" Why do I want to read this book? Is it REALLY the storyline that is drawing me in, or is it the thrill of the possibility of steamy scenes? However, "why" is not only the hardest question in relation to stories I choose. It is ALWAYS the hardest question because I don't see clearly. I do get glimpses of my heart-- this happens more often when I am in the Word consistently. But my sin blinds me, both in the nice things I do, and the sinful things I try to rationalize. Why do I want to serve my friend? Is it really because I see her need and want to bless her, or is it to make myself look good? Usually the answer is mixed. But God knows. And Christ lived and acted with completely righteous motives, then died for all my mixed ones.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
 
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
Psalms 139:1-4
 
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."
Jeremiah 17:9-10
 
Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Hebrews 2:14-18