The Hard Way

I'm kind of a goofy person-- or a dork-- or should have been a "blonde", take your pick. =)  I like to think, but I just tend to be kind of spacey.  This leads, many times, to me doing something in less than optimal fashion-- until someone shows me an easier way! ;)  In fact, once, when I was in high school-- I don't even remember what I was doing, but Daddy looked at me and said, "Why are you doing it THAT way?  Why didn't you just do...?"  I felt completely ridiculous and replied, "Because I like trying things the hard way first!"  Of course I don't LIKE going the hard way first, I just seem to end up there.

I've done that again this week.  I was faced with a situation that stressed me, and the stress brought up some sin in my heart that I had been blinded to-- again.  I've told you that I'm REALLY good at recycling.  Based on my track record, when I'm stressed I like to "ostrich", which basically means absorb myself in something mindless & pretend that nothing is wrong.  I felt the desire to do that again, but not even the slightest sense of satisfaction when I tried, so I abandoned that course of action.  But I didn't repent.  It's hard to repent of a sin you don't see.

And then last night the Lord opened my eyes.  I've been trying to do all this stuff He's set before me in my strength, which admittedly is laughable.  I can keep a clean house in my strength, but it usually involves lots of yelling at my Crew.  I can do school with my Crew in my strength, but again, lots of yelling plus some tears.  I can cook dinner in my strength, but not joyfully include my Crew in the process.  And I certainly can't be a faithful wife, parent, or friend in MY strength.  But I was trying.... =(  I know I've said this before, but God is GRACIOUS!  Christ already paid for my faithlessness, so I'm confident that I'm forgiven.  And even knowing the mess that is my sinful heart, the Father chose me to be part of His family, and is making me more like my Savior!

Not by Might
Psalty the Singing Songbook

It’s not by might, nor by power,
but by my Spirit.
It’s not by might, nor by power,
Saith the Lord.

We like to think, that we can handle problems on our own.
We buckle down, apply the steam,
work our hands down to the bone,
But when we’ve gone around in circles,
and there’s no place left to turn,
The Lord reminds us quietly, there’s a lesson to be learned.

We try and try in our own strength to make things come out right
We think and plan, and organize; and try with all our might
But when we’ve finally reached the bottom
The end of all our rope
The Lord reminds us once again in me you’ll find your hope.

The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped.
Exodus 34:5-8